Cease and Desist Order: Gaucho Pants

You know those thin, stretchy, almost sweatshirt-like pants that look like skirts? The sweatshops contracted by Urban Outfitters and Forever 21* are overwhelmed with orders to make what retailers this season and the last are calling “gaucho pants.” Whatever you want to call these monstrosities, in all actuality they are culottes. Yes, those ugly-ass long shorts that your kindergarten teacher probably still wears are back.

What troubles us most about this unsightly trend is that chicks feel they can wear these things ANY TIME. Every day we at No White After Labor Day see dozens of working women wearing them paired with a t-shirt and a chunky necklace. But these pants look like sweatpants – so please leave them at home! It’s true that I ate a lot of ice cream this summer and my jeans don’t fit, but I’m still not gonna pull on a pair of these babies and waddle off to work. And for heaven’s sake, if you’re on the prowl don’t wear them out! To quote one strapping young man, “They look like disco pirate pants.”

These culottes also present a real problem when it comes to underwear, lending themselves to horrifying “camel toe” and “crack” scenarios (see photo, right). I actually heard another culotte critic say they cause "reverse camel toe." If that isn’t enough to convince you against wearing them, you’re on your own.

*XXI Forever in higher income areas.






ADDENDUM:

One reader who's a bit more in touch with "what the kids are wearing," sent this photo in from the halls of a suburban high school. Meet the new "summer-to-fall transitional look" -- wool gauchos and jeweled flip flops. Hmm.