So You Think You Can Be AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL?

I so wish Maya Rudolph was the host of AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL (see photo for the best SNL spoof ever). I don't even know where to begin, but I'll start by saying that last night, Tyra's lips were purple and her forehead looked like a sunset. I wish I had a visual aid, but in some attempt to make her gargantuan forehead appear smaller, the genius makeup artists at ANTM appeared to have spraypainted a little orange around her hairline to make it somehow blend into her skin, you know, like a SUNSET! Aside from that, I don't understand how Tyra could tell models like Anchal (an Indian girl who wore light-colored contacts) and Monique (who was told by her family that she was too dark-skinned) to be themselves when she apparently has purple eyes and lips and a forehead painted like a sunset!

But I digress. The title of this episode was "The Girl Who Marks Her Territory." I was secretly hoping that we'd be treated to some FLAVOR OF LOVE-style defecation, but it was just Monique staking her claim on a bed. Under a giant poster of Tyra. As if there weren't hundreds of creepy Tyra posters all over the place. But mainly, I was underwhelmed by the season 7 crop. I always watch and think, "Haven't you seen this show before? The judges are gonna roast you for that!" So, if you are anything like me and my friends, you probably think you could do better, right? Well, I took the liberty of downloading the eligibility requirements for the show. Follow this checklist and see if you qualify:

1) Must be 18 to 27 years of age. (First the REAL WORLD, now this?)
2) Must be at least five feet and seven inches in height. (So close.)
3) You must be a US Citizen and live in the United States. (Uh... Wasn't Nenna here on a student visa?)
4) You must not have previous experience as a model in a national campaign within the last five years. (That stint on THE JANICE DICKINSON MODELING AGENCY doesn't count, right?)
5) You must be in excellent physical and mental health. (I guess Amy Poehler's one-legged model wouldn't qualify).
6) You understand and agree that you may be required to pose ... naked. (SWEET!)

So there you have it, if you're young, tall, mentally intact and ready to get nekked, you could be America's Next ... Top ... Mo ... de ... el.